What NOT to say!

We’re on the hunt to find a new church home, and this morning we visited another new one.  As I was sitting next to hubby, this lady came up to introduce herself to us.  As she was doing so, Lovebug came walking back to us from getting a drink of water. 

I introduced the lady to my daughter, and the lady said to her, “So, is Mommy going to give you a little brother or sister sometime soon?”. 

At first I thought she thought I was pregnant…you know, with the shirt styles the way they are now-a-days.  And maybe she did…I know I need to work out more. 

But when I said “Nope!”, she kept going.  She then asked me “Well, are you going to try for one soon?”

I just said, “Ummm, nope.” as my heart sank a little.  If only she knew.

Then she turned to Lovebug and said “Are you going to try to talk her into having a brother or sister for you?”

Lovebug just looked at me curiously and said “Mommy is thinking about getting us a puppy”.

She finally walked away.  Thank goodness because I was one question away from dropping the phony-answer-with-a-smile and blowing this lady away with my REAL answer.

What do you think she would have done if I had said this:

“We would love to have another baby.  Unfortunately, we tried for 3 years after this precious miracle was born to get pregnant, but then I had to have a complete hysterectomy due to medical complications.  We then became foster-to-adopt parents, but an adoptable child hasn’t come our way yet.  In fact, just last year we raised a baby boy from 7 days to 9 months thinking we’d get to adopt him, but then found out otherwise.  So, no, I won’t be giving my child a sibling any time soon, but thanks for asking.”


Seriously people, THINK before you speak!  It’s ok to ask if someone has children, but if they say “no” – drop it.  Don’t ask them why not, or when they are going to try.  My sex life with my husband is none of your business.  Maybe the person you are talking to has been trying for years, or just has a miscarriage, or a failed adoption.  You don’t know, and if they want you to know they will tell you.

Just the same, I don’t mind if someone asks me if I have more kids, or if Lovebug is an only.  But once I say that she’s my only one, please leave it alone.  Don’t ask me when I’m going to give her a sibling or tell me that she *needs* one like I’m holding out on her.  Don’t tell me that I better get busy soon because she’s getting older.  Don’t assume that I don’t like kids or want more kids just because I don’t have them.

When we had foster kids, I would get looks, stares, comments and questions because I had “so many kids” (4).  Now that we just have one child, I still get questioned.

Please.  Just accept the kid(s) I have and move on.  If I have 1 or 10 – each one is a blessing!


By the way, I do realize this lady meant no harm and it won’t keep us from visiting the church again or anything, but I needed to vent.  Like I told hubby this morning, it’s happened to me so many times that it doesn’t make me cry as often, but it still stings a lot. 

2 thoughts on “What NOT to say!

  1. That’s amazing. How can someone be so clueless? I think you should come up with an answer beforehand for these types of situations. I know I couldn’t pull one out of a hat or anything but I think if I had something prepared maybe I could say it. Maybe.

    Best wishes to you in your new home!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *