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He gives and takes away

“The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” ~ Job 1:21

Our sweet Little Bear left us last Thursday.  It was time.  CPS made it abundantly clear that he was not going to be available for adoption anytime in the foreseeable future.  We are moving in just a couple months, so he needs to transition to a new foster family that can keep him as long as possible.  Unfortunately, like anything else with the system, there is a lot of red tape to go through.  What to us seems like a simple solution is turning out to be not so simple.  For now, Little Bear went to stay with a family that is interested in fostering him as long as he needs.

There is so much more to it, and I doubt you care about all the details, but just pray that God’s will be done and that Little Bear goes to the home and the family where he is supposed to go.  We know with great certainty that we were not meant to be his forever family. We will miss him like crazy and love him forever, but we turn him over to God and trust that He who watches over us is also watching over Little Bear.

The day he left, my heart was breaking.  As I watched him drive off in someone else’s car, a little piece of my heart went with him.  I knew he was in good hands, but he was out of my control and that was scary.  I had let myself hope and even believe that he would be with us forever. You have to in a way, in order to love them completely. But it does make it harder when they leave.  When you finally realize that your child is going away forever.   But I think I’m finally out of tears.  I’ve wept so much that I ran dry, and I realize that the more I truly trust God to take care of him, the more comfortable I feel.  When I start thinking that I’m the only one in charge of his life, that’s when I get the most scared.  God is good! He formed this little life with His hands.  He knew before this baby was even conceived what the plan was for his life.  God knows the number of hairs on his head.  Little Bear is not alone, he is in the palm of his Creator.

God gave us so many blessings by putting Little Bear in our life.  I’ve grown so much and learned so much through this.  I got to cuddle a newborn.  I got to watch a baby learn to sit up and roll over.  I learned and felt compassion for the woman that gave him birth.  That chose to give him life.  For all birth mothers too.  I was able to get a glimpse into their lives and some of the pain and the choices they go through.  I’ve prayed a lot for compassion, and God answered that prayer in a huge way as I was so involved with the birth mom in this case.  I saw Lovebug as a big sister and helper for a helpless baby that couldn’t even return the favor by playing with her.  As he got bigger, I saw the way Little Bear lit up when his big sister walked in the room because he knew she loved him, and he loved her.  That is a gift and a memory that will never fade.

Lovebug, as she always is, was so matter of fact about it all.  She said her goodbye and then was ready to move on.  So, after he left, I took her out to run errands and play.  It helped distract me from the sadness, allowed me to just focus on her, and kept my sadness from messing up her day.  We enjoyed the day together and then we worked together to load up the car so we could leave the next morning to go see Daddy!

We aren’t done helping kids.  We don’t know yet when or where or who, but we know that when God is ready He will show us the next step in this area.  For now, the next step is preparing for our big move!

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